This is something that I realised this morning, something that I had no idea was holding me back and I wanted to share it, just in case it strikes a cord with someone.
We are in extraordinary times, so much of what we have known is changing and for many our foundations have been shaken. With the work that I do and the spiritual/awakening practices that are a part of my life, I have often gone in to my foundations and given them a shake to see what needed attention. But sometimes things (limiting beliefs, old woundings, shadows) only appear when they are ready or to say it better, when we are ready to face them full on.
From the outside, we can never truly know what is going for someone. As a society we are well trained to hide our fears, our worries, our doubts. And how I have been the last couple of months and more intensly the last week or so I have kept hidden from most people.
Honestly, I felt like I’ve been in a cage looking out at life….and if I’m being truly honest I’ve felt that for most of my life.
I take full responsibility for that cage now, it is a self-induced cage that I have been sitting in, using as an excuse to not move forward, to not take chances etc. Recently though I know that the cage door is open, I can walk through it any moment I choose. And that has scared the f*ck out of me!
It’s one thing taking responsibillity for creating my own limitations, but it’s a completely different story taking fully responsibility for my freedom!
There are no excuses with freedom. There is no hiding away with freedom.
I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t at least take a step towards the door….and then this morning, as I was struggling to get out of bed (because some mornings it’s just really hard to), I heard a little voice in my head say: “You don’t have the permission!”.
It hit me like a thunder bolt, on a subconscious level I have been waiting for permission. I’ve been waiting for someone to gently guide me out of the cage and tell me that I am free.
For so much of our lives we have ‘needed’ permission. When we are children, we need permission from our parents, from our teachers, from anyone that is not us. And then as adults we need permission to take time off work, we need permission from our partners etc, and I’m not saying that any of that was or is wrong….but where along the way did we forget to give ourselves permission?
When did we forget to say: “I give myself full permisson to be free, to the person I want to be”; “I give myself full permission to create my life and to love every drop of it”; “I give myself full permission to just be me”?
For me giving myself full permission is about being, and not really doing. With the current environment, no amount of self permission is going to get me in a room of a 100’s people, it also doesn’t mean that I get to be cruel to others or do things that hurt others.
It simply means I give myself full permission just to be…..to be joyful, to be kind, to be sad, to be angry, to be passionate, to be free and most importantly…..to be ME!
I hope this helps at least one person to realise that that the only permission you will ever need is from you. From your own heart, anyone else’s just won’t do!
Photo by Deleece Cook on Unsplash